On the Warpath

I interrupt the regularly scheduled programming on LifeIntrigued to bring you this late breaking update! This month is pretty much dedicated to our first visit up to the International Crane Foundation near Baraboo, Wisconsin. Figured it was time to give you a quick break from all those awesome Cranes and thought I’d go with something completely different – Devil Spawn! Every Spring there’s a war of sorts that plays out on my lot. During the Winter months, those evil looking creatures they refer to as MOLES are free to go about their business. Normally there isn’t much activity after the late fall, but looks like this year they decided to take advantage of the long and deep snow season to launch an all out assault on my yard. As mentioned before, I openly admit I went and plopped down my house in the middle of their land. Because of that intrusion I let the native creatures be as long as they stay out of my yard area. Pretty fair of me right? Once the snow melt it became apparent that this agreement had been breached by the damn tunnel diggers – they had tunnels EVERYWHERE. Tracks in the front yard, tracks in the side yard and multiple tracks in my backyard. Red Rover red Rover come tunnel your way over.

I decided to give them one warning shot in hopes they get the picture. Foregoing the traps, all the tunnels were tamped back down with clenched teeth and streams of vulgarity. Sure they would heed this warning wouldn’t they….

NOT! In just about every case the mounds were back within the week. Bastards, pure clown loving bastards. There was only one thing left to do – you got it… Bring out Nihil and Rev (link here).  First task was the front yard menace.  Went with Nihil due to his experience and effectiveness shown during last year’s hunt (link here).   Within 2 to 3 hours of re-tamping all but the main tunnels and setting Nihil’s trigger the first shot was taken.  Another kill and another notch to add to the side of Nihil.  On hellspawn went to meet its maker (although in that shot it looks like he is looking in the WRONG direction.

We aren’t done yet .. hit the jump to see more carnage.

Continue reading On the Warpath

Introducing Nihil and a Visit From an Old Friend

As I sit here in my forced ban on all things political for the moment I thought I’d crank out another post.  Actually I just finished another project which will soon be making its way to the blog (yeah) and it occurred to me that I had a quick one in the hopper that needed to be finished up.  Next week is going to be a whirlwind and don’t need to have the quota hanging over me to add any additional stress.  Ironically, nothing relieves stress like successfully dealing with a destructive pest.

Readers of this off ramp on the Information Super Highway should be very familiar with my absolute distaste for MOLES (shudder even typing it).  They are right up there with clowns on my top ten antagonist list but unlike clowns these fur demons regularly manage to make their way onto my property.  To normal creatures the homestead is a sanctuary of sorts.  Rarely does anything meet their fate by my hands when they mind their own business and refrain from too much visible damage.  This includes the deer that enjoy grazing through my landscape, raccoons that grow out of their cute stage and start taking liberties with the bird feeders, spiders that somehow find their way into the house and the mice that refuse to believe our propane tank is not their pleasure palace.  All of these incidents pass without harm.  That is all fine and dandy until I see that trail of dirt streaking across my lawn – blood boils, words are cursed and then I am pressed into action which means war (link here).  With all the Project Auuuuunnnoooold work this year I have not been as diligent as usual.  A few tails were seen at the edge of the yard but gave it the benefit that it mistakenly left the safety of the woods but would soon correct the error of its ways.  That was until a couple of weeks ago when a line showed up in MY FRONT YARD.  This is completely unacceptable.  If you recall from a very sad post sometime back (link here), I had lost a good friend.  I had not pulled out the new ones yet so opted to go with the old one.  It had been giving me some concern due to how tight the springs seemed to be lately.  All but the main line was stomped down and the trap set.  Soon there were would be snapping in the air.  Yet when I got home the next day, the trap was still set and all the side mounds were back up DAMMIT!  This must be an uber smart one.  Time to bring out Annihilation or Nihil for short.  Based on the difficulties setting it, Trigger (as in Hair Trigger) might have been a better name.  I’d set it, take a step and it would spring.. set, step, spring, set step spring – eesh.  Eventually it was worked enough to hold but still cautiously made my way out of the kill zone.

A quick check a few hours later brought a smile to my face…

Not even an uber-smart mole can defeat me.  Nihil comes through on its very first outing.  Problem solved!  Let’s all give a warm welcome to Nihil for he shall have a long and prosperous life (whatever you do, don’t mention the fate of Termi).   For those that like to keep track, the 2013 tally is now Brian 1 Hellspawn ZERO.  How about another joyful shot….

all it had to do was stay in the woods and it would still be grubbing it to the day it died of natural causes.. or the coyotes found it.. or it dared to even look at my neighbors manicured lawn.  …. but NOOOOOO it decided to play with fire.

Hit the jump to see an old friend!

Continue reading Introducing Nihil and a Visit From an Old Friend

Goodbye Old Friend

This post comes to you with a saddened heart. It has taken me three months to tackle this particular topic due to the emptiness that has resulted from an event back in July. I should probably give some background first. Do you remember when we took a trip to Indiana (link here)?  There is always a drawback to taking a vacation because all your day to day activities start piling up to greet you upon your return. Well, this is exactly what happened to me. During our week of fun in the sun our grass decided to go on steroids making the yard look more like prairie grass than lawn. I had the Bix7 race that weekend so this particular chore had to wait a few extra days. Eventually I took the new green machine out and starting cutting swatches through the jungle. Things were going great until THIS!

Hit the jump to read more about the fate of Termi!

Continue reading Goodbye Old Friend

Snap, Digging Days are Over

Playtime is over my little demon claws.  In general, I am pretty lenient on the local wildlife.  As stated previously, I pretty much walked into their backyard, dug a hole and slapped a house on it and called it mine.  In payment for this land grab, I tend to let the wildlife have free run of the area.  This includes the deer who destroyed all my new evergreens I planted last year, the squirrels who constantly attack my bird feeders and the raccoons who like to dig up my mulch.  Sure, I’ll shoo them away, but they generally have the privilege of returning to the waiting paws/hoofs of their four legged companions.  However, I still have my limits.

Take for example the owner of this:

Do you have any idea how much damage this clawed paw can do?  In case you are new to this creature,  imagine if you will spending hour after hour after hour toiling away in the sun and rain to make your dwelling look as scenic as possible.  You spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars in materials and equipment to keep it in that shape for the 3 of the 4 seasons.  Then one day you wake up and it looks like the Chicago Bears held a scrimmage in your yard.   I maintain less than 2 acres of grass/landscaping of our 15.  The rest are left in their semi-natural woods state that animals are more than welcome to frolic in.  But no, the owner of this bastard appendage thinks he should be able to do whatever it wants wherever it wants:

Well, I have my limits and fortunately there are geniuses out in the free world (which is currently turning socialist, but that topic is for another time) that have studied this demon, learned their wicked ways and designed the most effective (and lethal) device to exact our revenge.  First a direct disclaimer, if you are a fan of PETA prepare to cry yourself to sleep (of course you can always ask your president to send another email to the Middle East asking them to using something other than donkeys to blow up our soldiers – nope, I haven’t forgotten nor ever will).

So what happens when my blood boils over, when my leniency is abused, when my hard work is destroyed without a hint of remorse.  Well, let me tell you, it makes a loud SNAPPING sound…. wait for it… wait for it..

This one (let’s call him Mort) isn’t going to make it home tonight.  Why isn’t Mort feeling so well anymore?  Answer: Mort decided it would be fun to shred my front yard and is suspected of tearing up my side and back yard as well.  I am also not talking about a single tunnel from one part of the woods to another.  No, this was a systematic and diabolical effort that essentially resulted in raised ground in every square foot of the impacted area.  So now the barrage of .. your fault, you didn’t kill the grubs, you didn’t put this down, you didn’t put that down, they are so cute, they are god’s creatures too, you’re evil yada yada yada.

What do I have to say to those city dwellers?  Actually nothing, I prefer pictures instead:

Kind of peaceful isn’t it?  Just hanging there enjoying the pretty day, reflecting on all good things in life … wishing it had stayed in the 13 other acres of wooded bliss.  Oh, and as far as the “cute” camps out there.  Exactly what is cute about this beast.  Sure it is has a soft and fluffy pelt, but I have to think Mort was accidentally stepped on during Creation Day.  That is probably what flattened out the front paws so bad.  Couple that with a hideous rat face and you pretty much have your fill of nightmare fodder.  Still not buying it, try this:

Granted, if god is a mole, I am going to be experiencing the “real” global warming in the future.  However, for now, I am willing to take my chances and continue to battle against the horde.  One this is for sure, I will continue to use the most lethal tool in my arsenal.

To the makers of this trap, I raise my glass and salute.  You have truly mastered this animal in much the same way Raid has been owning the nervous system of wasps and bees.   Tonight I will lay my head on my pillow and dream of grass between my toes and vibrant greens surrounding my little dwelling.

Wait a minute!!!! did I remember Rule #2…….oh crap, I think I forgot the double tap…now I’ll have…

ZOMBIE MOLES!

Honey, get the 9 – it’s gonna be a long long night.