Goodbye Old Friend

This post comes to you with a saddened heart. It has taken me three months to tackle this particular topic due to the emptiness that has resulted from an event back in July. I should probably give some background first. Do you remember when we took a trip to Indiana (link here)?  There is always a drawback to taking a vacation because all your day to day activities start piling up to greet you upon your return. Well, this is exactly what happened to me. During our week of fun in the sun our grass decided to go on steroids making the yard look more like prairie grass than lawn. I had the Bix7 race that weekend so this particular chore had to wait a few extra days. Eventually I took the new green machine out and starting cutting swatches through the jungle. Things were going great until THIS!

Hit the jump to read more about the fate of Termi!

The minute the sound of metal on metal emanated from below the mower deck the sick feeling started coming in waves. The week before we departed on the trip there was a few tunnels popping up in they yard. This just will not do so out came the Wire Teks (link here) in all their deadly glory. As a precaution, I left one by the side of the yard with intentions to remove it before we left. One thing led to another and this small task was forgotten.  Apparently, while we were out, the moles were busy scheming against us. Somehow they managed to remove the trap from the ground, move it out in the yard further and cleverly hide it in a section of long, thick grass. Not only did they successfully eliminate one of their arch nemesis, they did some collateral damage on my tractor blade.

The trap literally flew out the chute pretty mangled from the impact. Clearly there was no saving this magnificent killing machine – a total loss. Termi (my pet name) worked tirelessly to rid my yard of those pesky creatures. There it sat in night, day, harsh rain and blistering sun just waiting to snap the backbone of any fur-ball with the audacity (yeah, still taking that word back) to venture into my yard. What did it get for its efforts? .. a blast to the side from a piece of rotating steel. There it sat in my hands broken and defeated while the memories came flooding back. In Termi’s memory, let’s take a quick look back at happier times.

Ahh, the classic snout snap.  I imagine a Predator scene where the protagonist starts to navigate under the booby trapped branches in the gully only to pause and check out the wooden spikes.  Unlike that primitive defense system, when the mole tried to test the steel spikes he took a Bruce Lee chop to the head.

The great thing about Termi is he was able to vary his attacks.  Take for instance this shot where he gave the mole a false sense of security by allowing it to pass seemingly freely through the first defense like a night patrol ambush.  Once the mole was committed to passing through that section of the tunnel, it was given an introduction to The Biggest Loser instant slimming technique – mole style.

Check out the Wallace impersonation (from Wallace and Gromit) this mole made when he realized he was victimized by the curse of the W[i]re [G]rabbit.

If you got that you are a true Wallace and Gromit fan like me!  Lets’ not forget the high jump at the mole hunger games.  Imagine the shock in that moles eyes when the springs leaped into action.  In case you are wondering, moles do indeed have eyes but they are very very small.

Then there is the classic “Keeping Hanging In There” poster shot.  Except, this version is not exactly the most motivating one you can have.  I will give this one credit, he didn’t waste his time in mole school.  Look how well he answered the math question of  “If each mole pelt pays $7 and you kill 3 moles, how many dollars did Wire-Tek contribute to the household income?” tick tock tick tock..

he squeezed it out in the nick of time!

Ahhh, the good times with Termi.  We will definitely miss him and his snappy comebacks.  Let’s all toast Termi one more time for a wonderful job and wish him best up in the Steel Heaven.  Goodbye Old Friend…….


I shall call you Rev (Revenge) and Nihil (Annihilation).  You didn’t think a dirt sucking, clown loving creature was going to get the best of me did you?!?  [evil laugh ensues]

8 thoughts on “Goodbye Old Friend”

  1. Nihilists! They’re worse than Nazis! They don’t believe in nothing! I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.

    I fear for the mole.



    1. Ummmm if you are going to quote Walter Sobchak shouldn’t you be accurate – it seems to be censored significantly from what I remember the quote to be and you just may have crossed your movie references with The Blues Brothers and their awesome Illinois Nazi slam…. in actuality, just be glad I got anywhere close to the word I wanted – and in the theme of movie quotes I leave you:

      Self-revelation is annihilation of self


  2. I did edit that quote a bit. First, the Dude said the part about not believing in nothing, and I omitted an expletive at the start of the second sentence out of sensitivity. At least I didn’t include quotation marks. No mixing of references with the Blues Brothers (“I hate Nazis”), though.

    “A destruction, an annihilation that only man can provoke, only man can prevent. Save the mole.” — Elie Wiesel

    (I may have mixed up a couple of things there.)



    1. Wow, we are just taking some liberties with quotes tonight (ha). Apparently, you were not impressed with my ability to even get that obscure reference. The more alarming thing is you appear to be on the WRONG side of the mole debate… maybe I’ll live trap them and drop about 25 of them in your yard next time I’m up North – I heard they like city grass!


  3. From The New World Encyclopedia online (“organizing knowledge for happiness, prosperity, and world peace”):

    “Although moles often are considered agricultural and lawn pests, they do provide a number of ecological values. Moles can benefit soil fertility by aerating and tilling it, and in their role in food chains they consume animals themselves considered pests. For humans, moles also add to the diversity and wonder of nature.”

    So you should cherish them. As for me, I live in a Chicago suburb that doesn’t allow diversity, unfortunately. Too bad.



    1. Sigh – obviously some apartment dwelling, PETA supporting, clown loving encyclopedia salesman wrote this ridiculous definition. I actually had to look it up and was shocked that insects (their diet) are actually animals so I had to backtrack a little on my original attack…but none the less, if someone thinks that the tunnels produced by these parasites provides nourishing value they are taking a page from liberal politics and only telling half the story – sure, air space is created, but the shredding of the roots and disruption of nutrient contact result in DEAD grass, not healthier grass. No I will give some credibility to the statement in the since my old pitchfork of death approach did aerate my grass pretty well with a by product of pure entertainment. Next they’ll be publishing graphs with differing X scales on each side to deceive the uneducated voters.


  4. I love the smell of napalm in the morning………

    Moles are nothing but vile vermin. Alas, since my move from Peoria I have not had the pleasure of any mole extermination in my present location.


  5. Well, howdy Bison!! Been awhile, clearly we have a mutual hatred for those dirt dwellers. I can’t believe you do not have to experience this nuisance in your current dwelling. I’ll tell you what, out of absolute kindness I herd a few up for you and bring them out to you. Think of all the wonderful hours you can waste… I mean enjoy tracking these creatures down… and wait.. you’re neighbors will also be envious know that your lawn will be so nicely aerated.

    Thanks for checking in!


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