PTrSD: A Tale From the Trail

Disclaimer: Before I go any further, wanted to state for clarity sake that this is NOT intended to belittle in any manner the true medical condition referred to as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That is a serious condition and truly wish the best outcomes for those that are having to deal with that on daily basis.

What this is referring to an incident that did cause extreme, although temporary, stress while training this morning on the Cry Me a River ultra trail course (link here). For those not familiar with this race, it consists mainly of the Illinois River Bluff Trail (link here) with some additional trails on the ends to accommodate the 50K/100K/100mile distances. One of the toughest courses in the area that will test your elevation training to the limits (the 100m course has 23,500 feet of elevation gain and the 50K is around 12K). It also has the distinction of giving me an ambulance ride to the emergency room (link here). I have since wiped that blemish off my race record, but the event remains cursed as last year I broke my elbow on a training run a week prior to the start – note, that was my first Post “Trail” Stress Disorder event as I still flinch whenever I pass that “Root of All Evil”.

Today, we are gathered here to talk about another PTrSD trauma that happened this very morning and it involves THIS BEAST!

Wild Turkey attack on Illinois River Bluff Trail in May 2024

Hit the jump to read more about this harrowing (Linda prefers hilarious) experience.

I need to set the stage in order to fully grasp the situation. Yesterday I had been diligently tracking the weather keeping a keen eye on a bad cell that was heading our way. I needed to get in some solid hill work on the CMaR course to cap a rather hard week – a good soaking would force me back on pavement (ugh). A final check this morning said I was good until around 12:30pm and then it was going to get nasty. No worries, out there by 8:30am, should be done around noon. That looked good on paper, but the sky was already turning a light grey on the drive over – eh, will just push it where I could and hopefully still beat it – off I went.

Made it all the way to the turn-around point and was heading back when I suddenly couldn’t see the trail very well – flipping up the sunglasses helped, but ominously creepy as the trees swayed in the increasing wind – weatherman cursing commenced. Now I had to push up all the steep climbs as I needed to get past a water crossing in case of flash flood. There is also a large tunnel under a highway that is already dark in daylight, now very grey, there was zero chance of spotting resident snakes. I had just traversed the water crossing when Linda called to tell me the forecast had changed, I was going to get the full brunt of the storm very soon. CRAP. So now you have the stage set – bad storm coming, heavy cloud cover cutting down the light and a serious set of hill traversals before making it back out of the valley to the car.

Okay, this is what I DID NOT NEED!

Wild Turkey attack on Illinois River Bluff Trail in May 2024

I had just crested one of the hills and was taking some steps to get the lungs back in my chest when about 6 of the cutest little fluff balls came squeaking out of the weeds and plopped right in the middle of the trail about 15 feet ahead. Absolutely adorable – likely newly hatched, barely able to walk and mostly progressing by taking a few steps, belly flopping on the ground, emitting a “meep” and then repeating the process. I thought they were Northern Bobwhite chicks and stood there for about 20 seconds watching them try to get across the trail. Did I mention how adorable they were.

After that 20 seconds, things turned ugly REAL quick. As you probably noticed, the shots so far in this post or not of a Northern Bobwhite – nope, something far bigger and far more formidable. Yes, that is a Wild Turkey hen and she tore out of the woods from the direction the chicks had come from. Holy Shit! – not a Quail – rather 14 to 20 pounds of talon wielding, dagger packing, raging mother hell bent on gutting me so here chicks could dance on my entrails (while “meeping” of course).

Wild Turkey attack on Illinois River Bluff Trail in May 2024

Sure, I’ve come across a perturbed Canada Goose in my time, but this was a whole new can of worms. I took a few steps back assuming it would appreciate my reverence…damn things still coming at me, now tail full fan. Still in shock I took a few faster strides backwards … damn thing is STILL coming at me, this time making pecking motions like Jason Vorhees. Less than three feet now and closing fast, I turn and start running down back down the hill hoping I didn’t clip any “Roots of all Evil”. I get a good ways back down the hill and she relents, turns and runs back to her chicks. Holy Hell – note, thoughts of rain had been replace.

I slowly make my way back and by now the initial group of chicks had moved off a considerable distance to the right – their mom was busy getting them grouped back together.

Wild Turkey attack on Illinois River Bluff Trail in May 2024

I figured it was safe to try and pass now and thoughts of getting drenched were back now thanks to the unexpected delay – an extra exhaustion of having to re-traverse the hill. I took about three steps to test the waters and all of a sudden ANOTHER small fluff ball appears from the left side of the trail.. takes two steps and then face plants into the ground with its tiny little wings spread out..”meep”. This must have been the youngest of the group. I smiled not grasping the entirety of the situation. I stood there once again mesmerized..the little chick got up, took a few more steps, dust plopped letting out another “meep”. A-D-O-R-A-B…wait and then my eyes locked on the mother who just realized she was missing one …I’ll be damned if that hen didn’t tear out after me again, yes, she chased me even further back down the hill again – WTF, honestly, I am the last person that would hurt a bird, much less a baby. I did manage to somehow get the second “action” shot by point my camera backwards while in fast retreat (pretty impressive in my opinion ha!). It also occurred to me I was yelling “Whoa Whoa Whoa” at it the whole time like she was a Horse or something.

Slowly made my way BACK up the hill for a third time and stood there while the mom gathered up the last chick and heading off into the woods. I literally stood there an extra minute or two just waiting for another chick to come and cause my ass to be chased back down the hill. The danger had finally cleared and I refocused on getting back to the trailhead before the storm let loose. DID NOT MAKE IT. About two miles from the end it cut loose on me. Ironically, I actually chuckling to myself thinking about the ordeal and being absolutely thankful no one else saw that spectacle – inevitably they would have gotten the hilarity on video and next thing I know it would be playing on loop during the Intrigued Christmas party.

Soaked to the bone, yet thankful I chose to wear the new Hokas with the full lugs or I would have probably been crawling up some of those later hills. As if running isn’t stressful enough on its own, from now on I am going to have to watch for roots and hens. Oh well, at least we hopefully all got a good laugh. Oh, and I looked it up when I got home – Turkeys can reach speeds up to 25mph on the ground and 55mph in the air..for short periods of time, but still!! I also found this link:

https://www.app.com/story/life/2021/11/16/wild-turkeys-attack-humans/6283582001/

Which states: “If you encounter a turkey, Brand said, here’s what to do: “Take out your cellphone, position your head right next to the turkey, extend your right arm and take a selfie and leave the thing alone!” he said. “Get the picture and move on!”

33 thoughts on “PTrSD: A Tale From the Trail”

    1. Hahaha, yes, I see from your link that you can relate! It was a bit stressful during the actual attack, but I cannot stop laughing about it now. Appreciate you dropping in and sharing your story as well.

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  2. Well, it’s about time YOU were chased by crazy birds rather than me, who (I like to remind you) was chased by a herd of steers with very long horns for a long, long way while birding in a pasture.

    Somehow, I think being torn to shreds by a Wild Turkey doesn’t sound so good, either, though. Glad you got away from it.

    Did you get pics of the babies? They sound so cute! If not, maybe you can go back. Just make sure Linda is there to record video to share with us. 🙂

    Ron

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    1. It was quite shocking and even looked around to make sure you were not standing behind me somehow ha. Hmmm, let me parse that first sentence – “chased” by essentially a cow for a “long, long” way. Some research was in order:

      “Cows can run on average at 17 mph, with a maximum speed of 25 mph. However, cows run in short bursts, not continuously; they cannot run for a long time. Cows run when they are startled by something, like all animals and most humans. They may run when they are happy, like when dinnertime hits”

      25mph isn’t too shabby and from what I can tell they do that when they are happy for a SHORT distance. By any chance was your units of measurements in inches and did they just get close, roll onto their backs and asked for a belly rub?…asking for a friend.

      I have to admit, I failed to get pictures of the babies – was hoping nobody would notice that as I was too busy gawking (and running) to get that done. I do have to go back there tomorrow, but I’ll be on the lookout now – maybe I’ll wear my Thanksgiving day Turkey Trot shirt just to put fear in the hen’s eyes hehehe. Thanks for dropping in .. been a while.

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  3. This has to be the fastest event to post in Intrigued history! I’m having a hard time typing because I’m still chuckling from reading about your encounter. Glad all the “meeps” were unharmed. And you too Brian.

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    1. Yes, this has to be one of the freshest posts ever in the history of Intrigued – don’t get used to it ha. Are you laughing at my expense..if so, perfectly acceptable, especially amongst Intrigued staff. This would be one of those laughing “with” situations. I can confirm not a single “meeper” was harmed and beyond the extra energy having to traverse the hill multiple times and the super-soaking at the end, all ended well. Needless to say I’ll know exactly what to do if this situation happens again…stand in awe at the adorable critters (some people never learn hehehe). Thanks for dropping in and safe travels.

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  4. Wow! The mother turkey really did stress you out. 23,500 feet of elevation gain is a real lung buster. The foliage along your trail looks mighty green compared to out here. That tree root of all evil might be planning a sneak attack, keep your wits about you. Turkeys are formidable beasts, I used to spare with them often in my youth.

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    1. I might need therapy hehehehe. That is what I classify as a “no joke” race. I realize that some runners in the more mountainous states would probably laugh at that elevation gain, but for people training in the broke state of IL, that will definitely test your cardio. Thanks for a lot of big rains over the last month or so, the foliage has really picked up – problem is staying out of the poison oak/ivy. This is a heavily used trail so thankfully this gives us a few feet of safety from those itchy thingies. This has to be the first time I’ve ever had a full run in with a Turkey. They are always bringing their larger babies to check out out feeders and all the encounters before this they usually see me and start meandering the other direction. I blame those cute featherballs for getting my defenses down…bad meepers, very bad! As always, thanks for dropping in Tim.

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      1. That much change in elevation is tough anywhere. However, out here we can go from 5000 feet to 11,000 feet from the valley to the top of the Sandias. I think they still have a run up the La Luz trail on the face of the Sandias that you see in my photos. We used to have turkeys, chickens, ducks and geese. The ganders and the roosters were always looking for a fight. The Tom turkeys varied on how much they wanted to fight. We had one big Tom turkey who like humping on my feet and legs. It was really silly. That damn turkey weighed half as much as me when I was a preteen.

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        1. Yikes, that is starting at 5000 where the air is already getting thin – luckily the elevation gain here starts around 500 feet in the oxygen rich air. Went to Arizona in January and really felt my lungs squeezing whatever they could out of each breath. You have now officially given me nightmares about being chased down a trail by a Tom who wants to hump my leg – it’s bad enough being chased by a Hen, but at least she turned and headed back after she made her point.

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          1. We have a surveyed 40K time trial course on the east side of the Sandias. It’s over 7000 feet, and has a total rise of 12 feet in 12.5 kilometers. It’s almost perfectly flat. Needless to say, many national records and some world records have been set on that course. My best time on that course was 56 minutes in 1993. The current national record for men is 45:31.66 set in 2021. The prior record was 47:35.37 set in 1990.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed Belinda – admittedly I am still chuckling to myself over the whole ordeal. Smart move on the “wide birth”, although if the Tom was there, likely no little ones to cause a ruckus ha! – if the Hen was that aggressive, I can’t imagine what that Tom would do if I looked at it cross ways. Thanks for dropping in, appreciate it.

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  7. Between turkeys, roots and weather – is the Cosmos trying to send you a message about your running addiction?

    Good job resisting the urge to cuddle the chicks. Too horrible to think about the consequences.

    Enjoyable post for those of us who weren’t there. So sorry to hear you became another victim of — fowl play.

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    1. You know, you might be on to something there Wally! I will admit for a very brief second I thought about picking one up …but that was when I though they were Quails and still though better of it as I didn’t want to scent one.. but did I mention they were adorable ha. I pulled the drum sticks out and gave you a rim shot for last pun…something tells me you were thinking of that the whole time you were reading about the encounter hehehehe. Thanks for dropping in Wally, appreciate it, especially for giving me another laugh to go with the comical day.

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  8. Priceless! Of course I’m laughing with! Great work capturing the moments with your phone, bird photography definitely runs in your blood. You’ll have to switch the Hokas out for some dancing shoes if you’re gonna do the Turkey Trot!

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    1. It’s okay, in this situation it is perfectly fine to laugh at – I have found that laughing hard is not compatible with competitive running, nearly pulled a hammy hehehe. Pretty sure the last time I danced was at my wedding – believe it was part of our vows that I would never have to dance after that night and that was more for Linda’s benefit than mine. Although, maybe I could invent a dance like the “sprinkler” and call it the Turkey Trotzky – you take out your cell phone and skip back and forth taking snapshots over your shoulder – I’ll give you credit if it catches on hehehehe.

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    1. Hahahaha – yes, you are probably correct although I think the reality is the rest of the runners who have experienced it wouldn’t admit it hehehe. A few hours on the boot dryers and the Hokas were ready for the next long outing – fortunately this time sans pissed off Turkey mothers. Problem now is trying dodge all the flying Cicadas – those loud and ugly things are everywhere and they keep flying into my head – a good way to learn to keep your mouth shut! Thanks for coming by Tanja, have a great rest of your week.

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        1. You have no idea how many times lately I’ve almost had one fly directly into my mouth – my guess is they taste as ugly as they look ha. Between getting badly needed protein and passing out on the trail..I think I’d elect the latter hahahaha. I thought they were starting to dwindle down based purely on the decibels drop and their carcasses starting to litter our porch, but based on this morning’s run, I think a whole new batch popped out – little holes all over the trail. Take care Tanja and thanks for dropping in.

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